Ships that pass through the night

Moving with the theme of change in my last blog, Always in Motion, what comes to mind is one of the earliest hard life lessons I learnt from an experience which was almost synchronistically illuminated in a book that I happened to read.

I must have just moved into secondary school and made friends with a girl called Ann. We hung out together most of the times and soon became inseparable. Then heartbreaks of heartbreaks, for no apparent reason she decided she preferred Maya’s company and I was left stranded. I usually did not share my feelings with anybody then and my guidance came in the form of an idea from a book that comforted me — that friends or people do not necessarily stay in your life forever. They are there for a purpose and could dissipate just as quickly as when they came on the scene. Like ships that pass in the night. It is normal. Cherish the memory and the good times together and move on.

I do not remember the name of the book or the exact words but the words had been like balm to me even though it had been hard to accept the truth of it. Over time that same loss has repeated several times over in different circumstances and the truth of the matter has sunk in slowly. Now I not only understand but also accept that “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”.

I am sure that everybody has undergone distancing, estrangement, and loss in some form or other, big or small, though in that moment the experience always seems insurmountable. That close friendship that ended because of maybe a betrayal of trust or simply because one moved away; that first heartache in the break-up with a first sweetheart that rocked your world; the devastating divorce, the sudden and irrational loss of a dear one.

One grieves the loss in different ways and take one’s own time. But with time one has to wake up to the reality and adapt. It helps then to remember that people come into your life for a reason. Some for a very short time maybe only for the purposes of companionship or to meet a need. Some are there for a longer span to help us grow and support us. And those who are committed to us for a lifetime play a continuous role in our growth.

Another distinction is that there are those who are in your life to teach you a lesson and very often they can also be your near and dear ones. In the words of Mother Theresa: “Some people come in your life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons.”

Speaking for myself, I know I hold the glorious times shared with others close to my heart. And sometimes even the not so pleasant but unforgettable memories flash across the screen of my mind, making me sad and yet grateful for the lesson that they left behind as a gift. At the end of the day, whether it is for a reason or a season or a lifetime, there is always an expiry date to any relationship, be it self-imposed or otherwise thrust on you. So embrace it now, in the moment. Appreciate and nurture your present bonds as if there is no tomorrow.