Riding the Edge

Everyone knows that a coin has two sides and also that it is very often symbolic of two opposing points of view. Yet we forget that there is a fine edge that holds the heads and the tails together…the third side of the coin actually called the ‘edge’, which suggests that besides the two polar perspectives there is very often a third way of looking at a situation. If you can ride this thin line, balanced in the moment, not attached to right and wrong, good or bad, you can be free from life’s extremes.

Amir rode that edge, not at first realising that that is what he was doing.

A colleague had criticised him for being a dictator and not a leader as his designation entailed. It hurt Amir to the quick because he thought it was such an unfair accusation. Had it been a face-to-face communication it might have resulted in a slinging match, with Amir trying to justify his position and his colleague digging in his heels. Luckily, as everyone was working from home, the comment was made on an email. That gave Amir a chance to stand back and pause.

He was so full of fury that he wanted to write back and justify each of his actions and give his two bit worth. But his gut told him not to indulge in his rage because it would have meant a back and forth of justifications and more accusations like a long-drawn tennis rally. He was not a confrontational person by nature and sometimes that could come across as a weakness. But this time he was going to use this trait of his as a strength, wilfully. “Sometimes it is best not to do anything,” he thought to himself. He understood one thing from experience: that the other person’s viewpoint is sometimes so firmly ingrained, the chances of changing that by giving your justifications are rare indeed.

But there was still this nagging desire to be exonerated, vindicated, to communicate his perspective, to rant on the unfairness of it all. Moreover, the accusation and the resulting actions of the colleague had put a spanner in the works of an ongoing project and he had to deal with that too.

He stayed with his discomfort for several days, stung and also ill at ease that he could not voice and present his side of things even though he had actually chosen not to. He even realised that the other person comes from his side of the situation, the other side of the coin, and his judgements are very often a reflection of his own personality traits. “All very well, rationally speaking,” Amir thinks to himself. “But where is the justice in this? And how do I get on with my work?”

But slowly the voices in his head quietened down and he could sit still in the centre of the storm. He had come to terms with not only doing nothing but accepting the situation, riding it out. And then he honestly asked himself the question: “Could there be some truth, just a grain of truth in this?”

Talking it over with another colleague made him aware that he had strong opinions of how certain things needed to be done and he was also very passionate about carrying out his ideas. So could that be misconstrued as tyranny? That insight into himself was an aha moment for him. He would have to bear that in mind for the future.

In the meantime, being the leader that he was, he even managed to circumvent his colleague temporarily and get on with the task at hand with input from other colleagues. To his surprise, his critic was not long in re-joining and co-operating once more with the team.

So Amir continues to ride on the edge, calm and free in the knowledge that there is this third side of the coin, where situations and people just are, neither good nor bad, right nor wrong.

“Knowing that the third side of the coin always exists allows your mind to let go of the addictive need to figure out what is right and what is wrong. If you can always remember this third edge of the coin, in every situation and circumstance, with every assumption and projection, you will find you cannot get hooked into any negative or positive position about yourself or any other person.” Jafree Ozwald

As I wrote in an earlier blog (the Power of Thoughts), it is our thoughts which give energy to a situation. So too with the pandemic. As the year comes to an end, many of us are still worried about another wave and also a variant of the virus. But we can only do so much…stay safe and just breathe. It just is…neither good nor bad.