Guess What
Imagine seeing this parcel on your kitchen table on the morning of your birthday. You have not fully woken up as you have not had your morning cup of coffee, but you allow a feeling of curious excitement to awaken your senses. You have not received a gift from loving hubby in a long time as he does not believe in exchanging presents as a rule. Is it a gift in the first place? Or just one of the ever increasing deliveries from Amazon? There was after all no fancy gift wrap to suggest a gift. But realistically speaking, would he have made an effort at gift wrapping?
He walks in at that moment as if to answer your doubt, and with a peck on the cheek wishes you Happy Birthday.
“Well, aren’t you going to open it?” His eagerness at your opening the parcel is obvious and so your curiosity is piqued further as also the anticipation.
Your mind starts racing in an attempt to guess what the surprise is as your fingers work deftly at unpicking the sides of the cardboard box. A mobile phone? Too small. A Nutribullet? Nah, which woman wants a kitchen gadget as a birthday gift? Plus the parcel was too light. The size of the box sometimes can be deceptive but if the content was really that large what on earth could it be?
Through peeks in varying degrees of unwrap, you spy another box within. It feels like passing the parcel. And then it lays bare in front of you and the printed words stare at you in mockery: The Squatty Potty. the toilet stool for the Perfect Poop.
You watch the genuine elation on your hubby’s face and try to disguise the dismay on yours. Your mind stops in its tracks. You quickly thank him with as much enthusiasm as you can muster, reciprocating his peck on the cheek and make a hurried exit to hide your…your what? Dismay? Disbelief? Disappointment? Irritation? Anger? Or is there a possibility that you were thrilled to bits and hugged him enthusiastically? One intense emotion flooding out the other, you are incapable of pinpointing what you feel.
As the whirlpool begins to lose it momentum, you realise you have a choice. This was your hubby…practical and caring to the core. He knew you had wanted it and he also knew you would not make it a priority to order it yourself. Your wellbeing was always uppermost on his mind and this was his way of showing it. Your romantic fantasies may not allow you to appreciate it as a gift. But you know that for a man who did not believe in giving gifts just for the sake of it, the intention was one of concern. So potty or what? Romantic or unromantic? The perspective you choose is your decision.
You see, in the end, we are all diverse creatures with different ways of showing and receiving love. In his book, the Five Languages of Love, Dr Gary Chapman shares his idea that everyone experiences love differently and it is easy to miss the mark when it comes to showing you care. We all have varying choices of personal expressions of love, the five languages being:
Words of affirmation…when one shows love and also responds better to receiving love mainly through verbal expression.
Quality time…being present for someone, spending time together.
Physical touch…when we not only show but also feel loved when we are hugged and caressed.
Acts of service… when it is more important to do things that matter for the other to show one cares.
Giving gifts…the point to note in the scenario above is that the gift was, in fact, an act of service; the giver’s primary language of love being that, his choice of gift reflected this. It was a practical item but he knew she would not act to procure it, so he does it for her.
The receiver, on the other hand, with her predilection for giving and receiving gifts, might have preferred a romantic getaway for two or some other extravagance. Now she had to choose how to respond even if initially her own leanings got in the way of genuine appreciation. But if she understood the five languages how much more easier the choice would have been.
The problem lies in that, everyone has their own primary language of love and if your language does not align with that of your partner or even your child, then there can be misunderstandings and quarrels and even worse case scenarios. Thus the importance of understanding, not only your own primary language (and there can be more than one), but also that of those close to you.
So what is your language of love?
